Th' 'Lections

Th' 'Lections

by Tom Woodard

Well, well, well, ain't we havin' fun lookin' at th' 'lection process! Both sides lyin' on th' other and cryin' foul at th' same time, 'specially 'Bama. Lord, that boy needs a thicker hide! Now McCain, he's a brave one, fer sure, goin' inta that female lion's den called th' View. Ain't no view I wanna look at, all them screamin', shreikin' females, askin' questions an' then hollerin' ta keep him from answerin'. Like a bunch a alley cats, but with foul, vulgar mouths on 'em. Talk about ruinin' yer own reputation, they's good at it. An' Barbra Walters makin' as big a fool a hersef as th' rest of 'em! Ain't no manners no more. Not in that bunch fer sure. Sho not like we was raised.

An' then we got th' Media. We used ta call it th' news, but it ain't news no more. Man, I'd like a little taste of somethin' like th' old Walter Cronkite evenin' news broadcasts, back when they reported th' facts, 'stead a makin' up piles a horse manure ta promote theyseves' opinions. Them poor souls at CNN likin' ta have a canip'tin fit 'cause somebody's sayin' somthin' they don't like 'bout they hero, Mr. 'Bama. An' then ya got ol' Shawn Hannity over ta Fox, soundin' like somthin' outa Nazi Germany. "Heil Hitler", ya wanna holler out. Makes a feller wanna do th' ol' goosestep, don't it? I b'lieve that boy 'ud hang somma them librals up like a ol' time lynchin' if'n he could gettaway with it, fer sure!

But now if'n ya wanna find out what's really goin' on in th' world, I got a few ya might wanna give a listen to. First of all, should be required listinin' ta hear that Lou Dobbs fella over ta CNN. By golly, he'll tell ya what's what 'bout near 'bout everthin' there is. Stuff them other folks ain't gonna let ya know come hell ner high water. Then there's National Public Radio. Now there's real news, a little to tha' left, but straight up. An' a lot of it stuff you ain't gone find out nowheres else. An' finally, there's a fella over ta Fox by name a Chris Wallace. He reminds me a them newsmen of old that was straight up. I can respect a fella like him. Ya gotta pick an' hunt, but there's still a small handful a real journalists out there. Just keepa huntin' an' a peckin', an' while yer doin' that be sure ta take them other jokers with a bucket a salt, 'cause they'll feed ya hog swill an' 'spect ya ta swaller it. Don't be foola nuff ta fall fer it!

But now fer enter-tainment, get yer re-mote 'an flick backards and fa'ards from CNN ta Fox an' back. If yu'll jes keep yer sense a humor, them folks'll have ya laughin', what with all that carryin' on an' stuff 'bout what alls wrong with th' other side. Hit's almos' as funny as Tow Mater, I'm tellin' ya. Do it an' see if''n I ain't right. Betterin' any night time drama, an' more off th' wall than any a them daytime soaps ever was. But now, don't let 'em make ya mad, 'cause then yu'll get so upset yu'll wanna take one a 'em down behind th' barn and take a coupla lengths a plow line ta they backsides, fer sure!

Tha's my take on these here 'lections. Whata y'all think?

Yores truly,

Cuddin' Tom